i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
