Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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