I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
