I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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