Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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