Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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