He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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