I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
