dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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