you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
