***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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