His hands were made for my vagina.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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