Pappa wants mamma naked
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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