I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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