Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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