then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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