I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
