I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
