Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
