girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
