It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
