I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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