Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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