somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
