just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
