some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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