I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
