i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
