I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
