i jhust puked up my retainher.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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