i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
