i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
