Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
