Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
