I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
