We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
