I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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