my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
