im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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