i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
