I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
