I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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