Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
