i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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