How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
