it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
