Don't you send me to vm
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
