dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
