you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
