Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
